I just finished my last journal and I'm out of empty notebooks, so I'm dumping here.
I had my first piano recital today... and I'm still feeling kind of depressed. I was soooo nervous and even though I tried really hard to stay calm I flipped out and I screwed up on ALL of my songs, practically rewriting them on the spot. I felt sort of humiliated because I was probably the most amatuer player there, everybody else played really well. I saw a bunch of people I knew, which is probably the reason I got so nervous. Everybody seemed to perform differently than me...I lifted my hands of of the piano dramatically just like my piano teacher had told me to, and I placed my books on the bench beside me just like my piano teacher had told me to, and I bowed slowly just like my piano teacher had told me to, and I wore a long, modest dress just like my piano teacher told me to. So I felt kind of nervous when NOBODY did any of these things.
I still feel a bit humiliated...but maybe I'll feel better tomorrow